I’ve seen so many beautiful photos on my timelines this week. Moms are sharing pictures of their children heading off to college. I’ve enjoyed seeing all the pics of packing, dorm rooms, and tearful farewells as you drop your babies off at the university of their choice. I’m so happy for all the Moms & young adults embarking on the next phase of their lives. But what about the Moms that aren’t making that trip? I wonder how they’re feeling right now?
When our oldest was born, I envisioned what his first day of college would be like- as most Mothers do. I wondered which school he’d attend, would it be in state or far away, what would he major in… you know, all the usual stuff Moms think about.
Our son is extremely bright – that’s never been an issue. I remember his 3rd grade teacher telling me he was “wise beyond his years” & that his sense of humor was “way over the other kid’s heads”. What has been a problem is his ADHD. From the time he started Kinder, there were red flags. His teacher would send home notes stating he needed reminders to finish his classwork, he got out of his seat too many times & he was having trouble staying on task. I didn’t think much of it – he was a boy and full of energy- I thought it was “normal”. By the time 2nd grade rolled around- it was obvious to everyone that this was more than just too much energy. A doctor’s visit confirmed he had ADHD.
Our son was put on medication to help him focus. The meds worked for a while, but they weren’t without side effects. He had a lot of stomach pain and loss of appetite. There were others that I won’t get into here, suffice to say I hated that he needed to be on medication- but there really were no other options. And before anyone says ADHD isn’t real or it’s just an excuse for bad behavior- don’t do it! If you compare MRI’s of the brain of a person with ADHD & a person without ADHD, there is a noticeable difference, proving it’s a valid diagnosis.
Our son struggled in school- he needed a reading tutor in elementary. “Normal” teaching methods & classrooms aren’t conducive to learning for some with ADHD. If the subject being taught isn’t of interest to our son- he will basically just shut down.
When high school rolled around, it was pretty obvious our son wouldn’t be attending any ivy league institutions of higher learning! Don’t get me wrong, I would LOVE for my son to enroll in college and get a degree. The reality is, that’s probably not going to happen. Does that make me a “bad parent?” Absolutely not! Does it make my son a “bad kid?” No, it doesn’t.
Our son struggled & battled trying to conform and fit in at school – I saw the toll it took on him. Anxiety & nerves were eating away at him. If you aren’t a parent, or don’t have a child with ADHD, you probably don’t understand- and that’s ok. I’d ask that you please refrain from passing judgement on others who do. My son opted not to enroll in college, getting a job instead. We still encourage him to reconsider his decision, but ultimately it’s his decision to make. I can’t make that decision for him, I can’t attend classes for him- that’s something he has to do for himself. We have stressed the importance of a higher education to him countless times, hopefully one day he will change his mind.
But you know what? Even if he doesn’t, he’s still my son. I will not love him any more if he enrolls in college, or any less if he doesn’t.
So to all the Moms out there whose kids aren’t heading off to college, keep your head up, I feel ya! You’re STILL a great Mom, and YOUR kids matter too!
