Today is my 50th birthday! OMG! The big 5-0 … FIFTY years old!
I spent a lot of time yesterday reflecting on the last 50 years. It stirred up many emotions in me, some I wasn’t expecting. Foremost, it really made me miss my Mom; she passed away last year. We weren’t as close as some other mother/daughters I know, but we were as close as we could be. She loved me with all her heart (“bunches & bunches”) and I loved her with all of mine. I know she would’ve been on the phone, calling to wish me a happy birthday & telling me how she couldn’t believe her “Baby Girl” was fifty. I can hear her saying, “I just can’t believe it!” … if I were back home, we’d go out to eat, a Mexican restaurant of course & she’d have the Mariachis come over & sing me a song…or 2 or 3. I feel like I should be visiting her grave today, but I’m in Cali & she’s in Texas.
I also thought a lot about everything I’ve survived in these past 50 years, and everything I will no longer tolerate in my life. Today I woke up feeling empowered, ready to live my life out loud. Here’s my Top 5 reasons Fifty Rocks, imo.
Fifty & Fly
5. I’m no longer a slave to make-up. Back in the day, I wouldn’t leave the house without a full face of makeup. I’ve never worn a lot of makeup to begin with: pressed powder, blush, eyeliner, lipstick. But I would not step foot outside my door without those 4 things on my face. I remember my oldest (and now my youngest), always asking me why I wore make-up. I’d always answer with, “Ladies wear make-up.” My boys would always say, “You don’t need to wear make-up, you look fine without it.” You know what? They’re right! I no longer feel like I need to wear makeup every single day, or every time we leave the house. If I feel like putting it on, I will. If I don’t feel like wearing any, I don’t. Guess what? No one has ever asked me why I’m not wearing make-up, or turned away from me in disgust. I’m more than the make-up on my face.
4. I’m not afraid to speak up. I’m a very non-confrontational person. In the past, I’ve been forced to remain quiet. I wasn’t allowed to speak my mind. Those days are long gone, honey. I will tell you how I feel in a heartbeat. If I disagree with you about something, you’re gonna hear it. If you try to play me, watch out! If you disrespect me, or if I feel like I’m being disrespected by you, you will hear about it. I’ll do it in a civil manner, that goes without saying, but don’t expect me to sit in the corner & remain silent.
3. I’m not here to please you, nor do I owe you any explanations. This is MY life, mine … not yours, or yours & definitely not yours … yeah, I’m talkin’ to you! There was a time when I wanted to please everyone. I’d go out of my way to please people. I’d dress a certain way, act a certain way, stuff my feelings & emotions way down deep. I put up with a lot of bulls*t these past 50 years. For some reason, folks felt like they could just use & abuse me and get away with it. I’ve been lied to, hurt, disrespected, humiliated and stabbed in the back so many times I’ve almost lost count…ALMOST. Not anymore, you won’t get away with that BS no more. I’m not taking that into my 50’s. If you attempt to mistreat me, you will be eliminated from my life-PERIOD. I’m done with abusers. I’ve had enough dealings with abusive people in my life & I’m tired. That goes for friends, family, co-workers…EVERYBODY! I’m 50 & I’m not putting up with your bulls*t any more-ever again.
2. I’m braver & bolder than I’ve ever been. I’m trying new things, things I never thought I’d do. (I’ll be blogging about some of them in the near future, such a tease, I know). This past January, I went on a Girl’s Trip (Sandals Resort-Royal Bahamian!) with my cousin-first time ever! And it was out of the country! Yes, I’m spreading my wings & experiencing life. That’s something my Mother always encouraged me to do growing up, but I was way too shy & introverted to act on it. I’m still shy & introverted, but I’m learning to be bolder…I know my Mom is proud of me. I’m planning another Girl’s Trip – and I’m so excited. Each time I step out of my comfort zone & try something new, it makes me a wee bit braver.
1. I don’t care if you like me or not! When I was younger, I wanted everyone to like me. Sure, it’d be nice be liked by everyone I meet, but if I’m not your cup of tea, then so be it. If something I say or do or believe in offends you, hate it for ya! This is me, this is who I am-take it or leave it. I try to treat others as I’d like to be treated, I’m a good person, I go out of my way to help others. I believe in being honest with people. These are all great qualities to have, wouldn’t you agree? If we don’t see eye to eye on something & you don’t care for my point of view- it’s ok. You are free to unfriend me-stop speaking to me- drop me like a hot potato … that’s on you. I’m being the best person I can be & when I lay my head on my pillow at night; I do so knowing I live my life in a way that is pleasing to Him, and I sleep well-thank you.
I made it to fifty, a lot of people don’t …my next door neighbor Ronnie Escobedo didn’t, my classmates Joe Castillo-Homer Gomez-Jessica Hernandez-Diana Rios-Kim Gildart-Pat Shannon-Sonia Arellano & so many others didn’t, my brother-in-law “Fats” didn’t … but I’m here-I made it. I’m not taking this gift, this thing called life for granted anymore.
Thank you, God, for letting me live to see 50 …Fifty & Fly! I made a tee to help celebrate the awesome that is 50! Hope you like it, you can buy it here: https://teespring.com/stores/mixed-blessings-diversitees
Here’s to 50 more fly years!
