I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard someone say they’re secretly stashing away money, so that they can get out of an unhappy relationship. Every time I hear it, it affects me.
I heard it again last week. “I have secretly been saving money here and there, so I know I will not be without, when I file for divorce.”
Far too often, in relationships between men & women, men control the finances. They pay the bills, have bank accounts in their names, and access to all the money. But what about us, the women?
Ladies, if you needed to pack up and leave right now, would you have the resources (money) to do so? If the answer is “no” then we need to talk!
Please know that I’ve been there, I’m speaking from experience. I’ve been in an abusive, unhealthy relationship. I had no money, because the person I was with controlled the finances, along with everything else. I promised myself I’d never allow that to happen again.
When was the last time you heard a man say, “I’m in a bad relationship and need to get out, but I don’t have any money saved up.” I’ve never heard any man say that. Or “I’m secretly saving money so I can leave her” … nope, never! Men make sure they always have access to bank accounts and money. Period.
I want every woman reading this to know you have just as much right to that money as your man. You should be able to access money anytime you need it. Your name needs to be on that bank account. It’s not enough to have a joint account, you must have your own separate account too. You need to be prepared for a rainy day, before the skies turn gray.
You might be “in love” right now, but what if something happens? Many relationships end in divorce, folks break up. You need access to your own money!
Open a bank account in your name and start depositing money into it. Do this immediately. Trust me, if the relationship goes south, you’re going to need that money. Get at least one credit card in your name. You don’t need to use it, but it could be a lifesaver if you ever need to pack up and leave.
You also need to know as much as possible about your household finances. What bills/debts do you have? How much money is in your joint checking and savings account? Do you know? What about investments? Does your significant other have a 401k? IRA? Stocks, bonds, mutual funds? This is all info you need access to. In the event of a separation, or divorce, you want to make sure all assets are divided equally. In order to do that, you must know what those assets are.
Speaking of assets, are you contributing to your 401k at work? Do you have a retirement plan set up? Do you invest in an IRA? If not, please look into setting these up. Invest in your future. Too many women depend on their spouses for everything. If your husband has these things, you should too. Even if he doesn’t, you need to invest in yourself.
But what if you don’t work outside of the home? You should still have access to a joint checking/savings account. You can also slowly start to build up a nest egg. Anytime you get spare change, save it. Use it to open up your own savings account. If you use a check or bank card to buy groceries, get change back. If your total grocery bill is $100, write the check for $110 or $120. You’ll be given change, use that to build up your savings.
Get your finances in order. You need your own money. Taking care of yourself financially is a must. You don’t ever want to be stuck in a relationship because you can’t afford to leave. Please take the steps necessary today, so you don’t have to worry about it tomorrow.
You are a Queen, don’t allow anyone to treat you like a peasant.
photo credit: Chelsea Shiels
