Another year is upon us. This is my first post of 2020. I’ve been doing a lot of self-reflection since we rang in the new year.
Let me start out by saying, like many of you, I’ve been through some really bad stuff in my life. Hella bad! I’m the type of person who just holds everything in, and presses forward.
I bury all the bad stuff way down deep. I don’t talk about it, I don’t share it with anyone, I just keep going. I forgive, and try to get back to “normal life” as quickly as possible. Some might call it burying my head in the sand.
When really bad stuff happens, that’s just how I’ve always dealt with it. As you can imagine, after living this way for decades, it has begun to take a toll on me.
I am no longer able to just let things slide off my shoulders. These ole shoulders aren’t as strong as they once were. They’ve been weighed down by so much pain and suffering. They’re weak.
Years of burying my feelings has messed me up. I literally cannot deal with it anymore. Nope, I can’t do it!
What does all this mean? It means I need to take care of me, like I’ve never done before. I am no longer going to accept negativity, in any way, shape, or form.
I must guard my heart, my mind, my emotions, and my body, like never before.
Why? Because all the stuff I’ve buried, all the stuff I’ve tolerated in the past, has really done a number on me. Physically, the stress of it all has affected my health. I was diagnosed with Type 2 Diabetes this past summer. My cholesterol is high. I have Sleep Apnea. My nerves are bad (that’s what my Mom used to say), I know it’s anxiety. I’m stressed out. I’m just not able to deal with negativity the way I once was. It messes me up now, big time.
None of this is good news. As a diabetic, I’m more susceptible to some really serious health issues. We’re talking life or death stuff.
So, I’m finally stepping up to the plate and saying No More. I don’t care who you are, if you are stressing me out, I can’t be around you. Period.
If that means severing friendships, so be it. If that means walking away from folks, plans, work, or events, that’s what I’ll do.
I cannot continue to allow others to bring me down. I must take care of myself. My physical, emotional, spiritual, and mental health must come first.
That’s my new mindset. Coming to this decision was not easy. I know I may hurt some feelings by doing this, and for that I am sorry. But at the end of the day, I cannot continue to allow others to cause me harm, even if that harm is unintentional.
The only thing I have control over in this world is myself. I have to do what’s best for my own self-preservation.
If any of this resonates with you, please do what’s best for your well-being. Put yourself first, for once. You matter. I matter. Let’s start taking better care of us.
