This is the first in a new series entitled “I Often Wonder.” I will be exploring topics I find myself thinking about, and sharing my thoughts.
I often wonder about the girls I went to high school with, the ones who had abortions. It’s not something I dwell on, but sometimes I’ll see a post on my FB feed and it’ll trigger a memory. Someone will post something with a current picture or mention the name of someone and it’ll take me back to high school. There were several girls I knew of, or had a class with, who had abortions. I wonder what impact it had on them as adults, and if they still think about those pregnancies.
I know I still think about the two babies I lost (miscarriages) and daydream about what they would look like, or be doing, if they were alive today. I lost one very early in my first pregnancy, at around 6 weeks, and the other (my third pregnancy) at 16 weeks gestation. Is it the same for women who had abortions? Do they think about what could have been?
There was an extremely popular girl at my school, who was rumored to have had an abortion at a local military hospital. It was our senior year of high school. A friend had gone to see her, and remarked that nothing was said about why she was there. She had no visible injuries. Neither the girl in the hospital, her family, or the friend that went to see her said anything about why she was hospitalized. It was just “understood” that she’d had an abortion. I recall she was dating someone a couple years older than she was, I think he was in college. She returned to school shortly afterwards.
Then there was a girl I had a class with, our lockers were close to each other. One day, at our lockers, she walked over with a friend of hers. Both girls were part of the “in crowd” – I wasn’t. She began telling her friend about a conversation she’d had with her boyfriend, who also attended our school, I still remember it word for word: “He said a baby will mess up his college plans. He doesn’t want it. He told me it’s either HIM or the baby!” I couldn’t believe they were having this conversation right in front of me, it’s like I wasn’t even there! I wasn’t one of the popular kids, so I didn’t matter. I was invisible to them. A few days later the pregnant girl was absent from class, I think she missed two days. When she came back to school she was extremely subdued. Her bubbly personality was nowhere to be seen, she was quiet, withdrawn, and kept her head down on her desk. This continued for the remainder of the week. By the following week, she was back to her old self. I remember looking at her, when she had her head down on the desk, and wanting to say something to comfort her, but I couldn’t. We weren’t friends, and I didn’t want her to know I’d overheard her conversation with her buddy, at our lockers. But I knew why she was quiet, and it broke my heart. I was SO mad at her jerk of a boyfriend! “It’s me or the baby!” Really dude?! What a loser. I don’t know when they finally broke up, but I know she went on to marry someone else.
Both of these girls went on to marry someone else and have families. I wonder if their husbands or kids know about their past. Is that something women share with their families? Neither one of them are aware that I know their secret.
There was a guy I knew, and really liked. We’d talk on the phone a lot. He ended up getting two girls pregnant in the span of a year. The girls didn’t go to our school, and he told me they were pregnant. Both of them had abortions. I wonder if it affected him at all? I know he’s been married at least four times, and he has several children.
I don’t know why I think about this. I guess I just want to know how they’ve dealt with what happened all those years ago. Did it change them? Do they have closure? Do they think about it? I hope they are at peace with the decisions they made back then, when they themselves were still just children. I think that’s the saddest part, they were forced to make adult decisions, but weren’t even 18 yet.
We never know what folks are dealing with, please be kind to everyone you meet, no matter what age they are. And for those of us with high schoolers, be especially understanding with them, they are dealing with so much. They hear and see stuff and have to process all of it. They don’t tell us everything, but just know it’s rough, and they need us to be accepting and loving. Let them know you care and that you’re there for them, no matter what.
*photo created by me using Ai
