Now that everyone is getting settled into their new routines, I thought this would be an excellent time to speak to all the new college students out there (and their parents!) For many of you, this will be your first time away from home- first time away from the watchful eye of your parents. Sure, your new found freedom is liberating and exciting… but it could also be dangerous. You see, there is something out there far worse than the dreaded “Freshman 15″… it’s an abusive partner.
There are folks out there who prey on young freshmen. They see them as easy targets… inexperienced, naive, trusting of everyone. Most, but not all, of these abusers are male… usually a Jr. or Sr., someone older than their victim. Do you know the warning signs of an abuser? As someone who has been involved in an abusive relationship in the past, I wish I would have known the signs. Here are a few:
1. Does your new love try to keep you all to himself/herself?
2. Does he/she try to limit the amount of time you spend with family or friends?
3. Does he/she try to tell you how to dress? Pick out your clothes for you? Tell you how to wear your hair/makeup?
4. Does he/she try to control what and how much you eat?
5. Does he/she need to know where you are at all times? Do you have to ask their “permission” before you go out or do something?
6. Is he/she verbally abusive? Do they put you down, try to belittle you?
7. Do they try to control every aspect of your life?
8. Is he/she a “smooth talker?” Can they get you to do whatever they want, just by sweet-talking you?
Abuse is not always physical. it can be mental, verbal & emotional as well. ALL abuse is wrong. If you recognize any of the warning signs listed above; please think long and hard about whether or not you need to be with this person. Get out of the relationship before the abuse progresses.
What if you are in a physically abusive relationship? Or have been in the past and are scared your abuser may retaliate? You need to contact your local authorities and let them know of your fears. Tell them you are or have been involved in an abusive relationship and you are in fear of your abuser. Give them the name of your abuser and all demographic info you have on him/her. Advise them that if anything should happen to you, they need to question your abuser before they question anyone else. Look into getting a restraining order.
Along with contacting your local police department, make sure all your friends and family know about your abuser. Tell them that if anything ever happens to you- to give the authorities the name and address of your abuser. Everyone around you needs to know about your abusive past. Write a letter to the police, telling them about your abusive past and give them the name of your abuser. Make copies of the letter and give to your friends and family, instructing them to hold on to them in case anything ever happens to you and you cannot speak up for yourself. I know this may sound drastic- and hopefully you will never have to use those letters, but it is better to have all your bases covered.
Parents, please talk to your kids about abuse. Tell them what to look for, so they will be well informed… and safe!
