I am a member of a very elite group, (or so I’d like to think!) I had my little one at the tender age of 40! (Applause, Gasp, Applause!) Although he was not my firstborn, I know many women that have had their first child at forty or older. There are many different reasons for this: career, infertility issues, personal choice… this list goes on and on. When you have a baby at forty, folks sometimes do not know how to react, and can say the weirdest (rudest) things! I have put together a list of things that you should probably not say to a new mother over the age of forty, (unless you want to get slapped!) I have experienced one or two (ahem), of these myself! Without further adieu, here it is!
#5: “Cute baby! I’ve thought about adopting too!” Umm, she’s not adopted, I gave birth to her! Don’t get me wrong, adoption is a beautiful thing, but don’t assume a baby is adopted just because the mother is a wee bit older than you.
#4: “Cute baby! Surprise pregnancy, huh?! Umm, no, this pregnancy was very carefully planned ahead of time, thank you! Our baby was/is very much wanted. Just because a woman is over 40 when she gets pregnant, doesn’t mean it is an “oopsie” pregnancy!
#3: “Cute baby, but why would you want a baby at your age? You’ll be so old when she graduates high school!” Excuse me?! Who are you to judge me based solely on my age? I’m going to be old anyways, regardless of whether or not I’ve had a baby! It doesn’t matter how old I am, what matters is my ability to care for my child and provide her with all she needs. I know a few twenty-somethings that never should have had kids, so put that in your pipe and smoke it! Yes, parenting can be challenging when you are older-but parenting at any age is a challenge!
#2: “Cute baby, I didn’t know you were a nanny?” I’m not the nanny, I’m not the babysitter-I’m the MOM! I can understand how some may get confused; not only am I an older mom- but my children are mixed race (as am I), so the curly hair and tan complexion may throw a few folks off! Just because I’m pale as a ghost, with bone straight hair, don’t assume I’m the nanny!
That brings us to my favorite (sarcasm), numero uno! You ready for it? You think you know what it’s gonna be? Let’s see!
#1: “Cute baby, is that your Grandson?! Umm, NO! This is my son, I’m his mother, I gave birth to him! Not every woman you see over the age of 30 is a grandmother! I realize you may come from a region where girls are popping out babies at 13 and having grand babies when they’re 26- that’s NOT ME! I may be old enough (barely!) to be a grandmother- but I’m not. Please do not assume that an older woman with a baby is the grandmother! That will get you slapped!
And there you have it, my Top 5 List. Please remember what you have learned here today! Having a baby at 40 was a blessing-I know how lucky I am to have been able to carry my baby to term & deliver a healthy little one. I thank God for the gift of life He allowed me to bring forth.
