I’ve been avoiding writing this, but know I must. I recently lost someone I’d known since elementary school. We met in 2nd grade, we were best buddies. We attended the same middle school. We ate lunch together every day in high school, well at least every day of our Jr & Sr years. We lived up the street from each other … we literally grew up together.
We hadn’t seen each other in years, but still kept in contact via Facebook. We both grew up & moved away from our home state, but she had since returned. Her name is Amanda, many called her Mandy, my Mom always called her Mander. Amanda was always tall for her age, as a child she wore glasses. She had this amazingly wild hair growing up. It was so thick and a bit unruly due to being wavy/curly. She had “big hair” before it was in style! Amanda was always kind to everyone, she was quick to offer her assistance if she thought you needed help. She was definitely someone you wanted in your corner.
Amanda was my friend, one of my best friends growing up. She won over my Mom & that’s saying a lot, lol! My Mom was extremely picky about who I chose to call friend. My mother always liked “Mander” (and she always liked my friend Dora too).
Amanda fought a brave battle against cancer. She was rewarded for her bravery and given her angel wings on June 27, 2017. I never knew how serious her condition was, until it was too late. Every now & then she would mention it on Facebook, say she was having a bad day & ask for prayers. It wasn’t something she dwelled on. I thought it was treatable & she’d be 100% healthy again. I even thought it had been cured at one point in time. Had I known how critical it was, I would have done things differently – SO differently.
The death of my friend, someone I’ve known since I was around 7 years old, has been a hard pill to swallow. I’m still trying to process it all. I have so many unanswered questions, and mixed emotions. My heart goes out to her family, they are always in my thoughts. My summer has been spent contemplating life … and death.
I’m writing this partly as a cautionary tale to all of you, so you don’t make the same mistakes I did. But mostly I’m writing it because I want to honor Amanda. She mattered, her life mattered, and I will honor her memory in any way possible.
I had a chance to see Amanda back in April, but didn’t. I was in my hometown on family business, and had made plans to visit her while there. At the last minute, my plans were changed & I contacted her to let her know. She was her usual sweet self, telling me to go ahead & take care of my family matters. She advised me on the situation and prayed for me. We ended our conversation with “love you”. That would end up being our last DM with each other, I will probably keep that text message forever.
I missed my chance to see her in person. That’s something I will always regret. Even then, during our last conversation, she did not reveal to me how sick she truly was. I should have asked her. I didn’t because I was afraid of upsetting her. Since she hadn’t said anything about her health, I just took that as her being ok. I should have asked her about the cancer. If she didn’t want to talk about it, she would’ve let me know. Instead I avoided the subject, and now it’s too late.
I hope she didn’t think I was being callous by not inquiring about her health. Until now I’ve never had a close friend, someone I grew up with, pass away. I just never imagined she would not survive this. Amanda was a warrior, she was brave & smart and just a joy to be around. She always put others first, before herself. Even as her disease progressed, she didn’t want to worry anyone. She kept all the pain she endured, as a result of the cancer to herself. She didn’t complain about her situation.
Amanda knew she was in God’s hands, she put all her faith and trust in Him. She knew He would never fail her. When it was time for her to leave this earth, she was ready. I’ve been told that by her family. Amanda leaves behind a husband and college-aged daughter-they were her everything. She is now watching over them from Heaven.
Her daughter was able to give her a message from me, shortly before she passed. I know she heard it. I wanted her to know how much I loved (love) her and I thanked her for always being such a great friend to me.
I’m still processing the loss of my friend, and imagine I will continue to do so for quite some time. Please reach out to your friends, especially if they have been battling something. Ask them how they are really doing. Don’t be like me & miss your chance. Tell them you love them, thank them for being in your life. Love on them while you still can.
Heaven
I know my Mom was there to greet Amanda when she arrived in Heaven. I can hear her saying, “Mander! Do you remember me? I’m Lynda’s Mother.”
Yes Mom, I’m 100% sure she remembers you. Don’t try to get her to reveal any of my high school secrets, because she’ll never crack! I’ll see you both again one day.
In Loving Memory Of Amanda Ramirez Primacio.
