It’s been three years since my Mom passed away. She loved receiving flowers from me on Mother’s Day. I always took my time choosing just the right floral arrangement to have delivered to her, because I knew she was picky. Lol!
If you bought her something she didn’t like, she’d let you know. Don’t get me wrong; she wasn’t rude about it. She would get her point across, nonetheless.
I miss ordering flowers for her. I visited her grave a couple of weeks ago. I don’t get out there as much as I want. She’s buried in Texas and I’m in California. I packed some goodies in my suitcase for her. A bouquet of purple roses and some bling to go with them. There were hearts, butterflies and sequins… all her favorites!
I remember the last Mother’s Day I spent with her. I flew her out to spend the week with us. She was already exhibiting signs of Alzheimer’s, but hadn’t been diagnosed yet.
At the time; I didn’t know that would be our last holiday spent together. I had no idea our lives were about to be turned upside down, and that our relationship would never be the same.
I think back on that week often, remembering how she interacted with my boys, her grandchildren. She loved them both SO much.
I could see her slipping away. She was very early in her disease, yet it already had a firm grip on her. My strong and fierce Mother looked vulnerable & frail.
This year, as Mother’s Day approached, I found myself feeling lonely and broken. I know it’s because I miss my Mom.
I feel cheated. I want to be able to call her and talk to her on the phone, but I can’t. I want to walk out to the mailbox and find a package from her, but I can’t. I want to go out to dinner with her, at her favorite Mexican restaurant, and have her introduce me to her favorite waiter… but I can’t.
My Mom lost her own mother when she was just five years old. She was the one who got cheated, not me. I had my Mom with me for many years, and for that, I’m grateful.
When I was growing up, my Mom would always say, “You only get one Mother and once she’s gone, you’ll never get her back.” I now know what she meant. That one sentence speaks volumes to me now.
I miss my Mom every single day. I thought it’d be easier, since she had Alzheimer’s for years. I thought “the long goodbye” would better prepare me for the inevitable. It didn’t.
I miss my Mom more this Mother’s Day than last. I know she is no longer suffering and that brings me a measure of peace.
I’m thankful for my family today and every day. My children make days like today so much better.
I love you Mom!
