Ah the joys of motherhood, am I right? There’s no better gift, than the gift of a child. Being a Mom is the best thing that ever happened to me. I remember feeling like a “real” woman after giving birth to our oldest. The truth is, there’s a lot about motherhood that isn’t all that great.
What about “mom guilt?” Yeah, nothing fun about that. I literally can’t get through a day without someone mentioning it. Why do we, as mothers, feel so much guilt? Do dads experience “dad guilt?” Do they discuss it with each other? Does it weigh heavily on their minds, day in and day out?
Parenting can (for the most part) be a thankless job. Our little bundles of joy don’t come with instruction manuals. We do our best, with what we have, just like our parents did with us.
We all teach our kids right from wrong. We teach them good manners. We model acceptable behavior for them. We read them bedtime stories every night. We don’t drink, smoke, or curse in front of them. We make sure they eat nutritious meals. We give them unconditional love. We do all this, in hopes they will one day become productive, law-abiding citizens.
So when our child messes up, or gets in trouble in school, it hurts. Immediately you start to think, “What did I do wrong?” Believe me, I’ve been there.
We start to blame ourselves, and question our parenting. We can be our own worst critic. It doesn’t help that many people are quick to blame the parents. “Her Mom must not have taught her any better!” and “It starts in the home,” immediately come to mind.
You know what? Unless you are in that home 24-7, you have no idea what that child’s parents have or have not taught her. How dare people assume they know it all.
My parents were very strict. They taught me right from wrong. Guess what? I still did some things I shouldn’t have. (Gasp!) Was that my Mom’s fault? No, it wasn’t. My mom had nothing to do with the decisions I made as a tween, teen, or young adult. I knew what was expected of me, and sometimes I went against everything I’d been taught and did what I wanted to do.
Should my mom have felt guilt because of my actions? No! (But I know she did anyways).
Sometimes, all the good parenting in the world doesn’t matter when a child decides to do something. Stop beating yourself up when your kid messes up. Sometimes good kids make mistakes.
And what about kids with ADHD, or some other disorder? It’s even more difficult for them to remain on the straight and narrow, no matter how many times they’ve been reminded to do so. It’s not you, Mom.
Then there are the “kids” who are no longer kids, but young adults. Eighteen and older, twenty-one and older. They’ll always be our babies, but they’re grown. You did your job, Mom. You taught them right from wrong. If they mess up now, it’s not your fault.
Moms, please stop blaming yourselves every time your child messes up. Take a deep breath and know it’s not your fault.
